Robo Vampire (1988)

More Like Franken-Movie!

Every once in awhile my laptop takes me to bizarre corners of the internet. Sometimes those forays into wilder parts of the web prove to be fruitful, but most of the time I regret ever leaving the beaten path. For example, I recently discovered 1988’s Robo Vampire. Based on the film’s movie poster, it looks like Robocop has hopped over to Hong Kong to battle vampires and helicopters. Based on the actual movie, though, I’m not sure what the heck happened.

Just FYI, there are gonna be spoilers for this train wreck.

What kinda passes for a plot in this movie is that a narcotics agent named Tom Wilde is attacked and killed by vampires and drug lords during a drug raid. His body is scooped up by the agency that he works for and after a few alterations, he is transformed into a Robo Warrior that can apparently take out vampires but can’t handle powerful artillery. Tom is also supposed to be on a rescue mission to save another agent, but instead, he appears to wander around aimlessly through city streets, on the beach, in a sparse forest, and pretty much wherever else he wants to go while a hired man is also sent to find the kidnapped agent.

A vicious drug lord has hired a wizard (yes, a wizard) who controls vampires (yes, vampires) to battle the narcs and believes that one vampire in particular (his name is Peter, Peter the Vampire) with a gorilla mask and a vengeful ghost girlfriend with a see-thru top can stop Robo Warrior Tom. Peter leads a squad of bunny hopping vampires that blow smoke on their victims and shoot firecrackers at anybody that gets in their way.

While Robo Warrior Tom is wandering around and fighting vampires, the secondary group successfully makes their way to the kidnapped agent (I believe her name was Sophie). They save Sophie, make friends with a criminal that tries to kill them (and give him a gun to boot), and are never seen again.

The final battle is between Robo Warrior Tom, Peter, Peter the Vampire, See-Thru Top Ghost Girl, bunny hoppers, and the wizard. Ghost Girl, ticked off that the wizard made Peter a vampire, battles the wizard. She gets so angry that she rips her top off. Exposing herself as she does, the wizard smears something all over her chest and she apparently dies…..until she appears out of nowhere and rakes the wizard’s eyes out, killing him. Robo Warrior Tom decimates the vampires and the screen turns a maroonish color with “The End” across it.

This film is bad. It is apparently two films spliced together to flesh out the runtime. 1984’s Paa Lohgan was the source of all of the hostage rescue footage in Robo Vampire. It’s actually the better of the two films although there are a ton of plotholes in the story. The music is surprisingly well done in my opinion, but everything else is terrible. I do recommend watching it just to see how truly terrible it is, but you probably won’t want to watch it again.

If you’re in the mood for a truly terrible film, check out Robo Vampire. It’s currently available for free on the Tubi app. Watch it if you dare!

Thanks for checking out this post. Please leave some comments about this film, as I’m dying to know what everyone else thinks about it.