There's nothing like good dad joke to infuse a little laughter into any situation. And corny one-liners? Well, they're perfect for work, kids and pretty much every other occasion.
But sometimes, you find yourself looking for a chuckle that's a bit edgier — a dark humor joke that flirts with being inappropriate while not completely crossing the line.
Twisted, sometimes morbid, and not entirely family-friendly, we've collected a list of jokes that'll make you cringe and snicker at the same time.
These bad-but-good gags cover all the bases including marriage, relationships, work, family, money and plenty of other semi-touchy subjects.
For example, why is being married worse than having to go to work? Because at least with work, there’s a chance you’ll get a new boss.
Or how about this one? My parents raised me as an only child. Which really infuriated my sister.
Then there's always this classic: Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in.
Kids and the easily-offended might want to steer clear of these dark humor jokes — this joke compilation is for those who appreciate a good morbid laugh.
So, read on and don't forget your armor, because these dark jokes are about to slay you.
Marriage dark humor jokes
- My husband told me to do whatever makes me happy. I'm going to miss him.
- Why did the invisible man leave his wife? He didn't feel seen.
- Where did couples go for fun in medieval times? Knight clubs.
- I told my therapist that my wife and I have no chemistry. He didn't have a reaction.
- Why did the turkey leave her husband? She suspected fowl play.
- Why didn't the wife attend her husband's funeral? She wasn't much of a mourning person.
- Why is being married worse than having to go to work? Because at least with work there's a chance you'll get a new boss.
- I don't go to vampire weddings. They usually suck.
- My husband is driving me to drink. I guess it's better than taking me for a walk.
- How are husbands like wine? They take forever to mature.
- I haven't talked to my wife in a week. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
- My husband says I'm too competitive. I told him I already knew that.
- The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
- My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine?
- I went to see my dentist and he warned me it was going to hurt. He ended up telling me he was having an affair with my wife.
- My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
- A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
- Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.” Wife: “No, you’re not.”
- My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning. I said, “Nah, most of the time I just let him sleep.”
- Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
- My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
- I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.”
- My wife says making love is even better on vacation. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Work dark humor jokes
- The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
- As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
- The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
- I have many jokes about unemployed people — sadly none of them work.
- Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.
- You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
- My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
- Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
- I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
- Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
- To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
- I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
Family dark humor jokes
- My parents raised me as an only child. Which really infuriated my sister.
- My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
- A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched with tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
- At home, they treat me like God. I’m generally ignored until someone wants something.
- My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
- Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.”
- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
- I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
- My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
- I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
- What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
- Today I made a decision to go to my childhood house. I asked the residents if I may come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door on my face. My mother and father are the worst.
- My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
- What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
Dating jokes
- When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
- “I was talking to my therapist and he goes, ‘You tend to pursue damaged people and try to help them.’ I was like, ‘You too.’”
- My boyfriend broke up with me because he said I was too mysterious. Or did he?
- Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
- They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
- My girlfriend’s birthday is in a week and she said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!” So I got her nothing.
- My boyfriend said to me the other day, “If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.” Apparently, getting stuck in traffic doesn’t count as “anything.”
Money dark humor jokes
- When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
- I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
- I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
- I won $3 million on the lottery so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
Punny dark humor jokes
- Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
- A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
- Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
- What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.
- Why is the ocean so salty? Probably because the land doesn’t wave back.
- When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
- Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
- When my uncle Frank died, he needed his ashes to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His final wish was to be Frank in Stein.
- A man just assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese. How dairy.
- My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
- Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
- Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
- Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That’s the punch line.
- The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
- Why did the skeleton skip the prom? Because he had no body to go with.
General dark humor jokes
- I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
- Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
- Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
- I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.
- First rule of Vegan Club: You tell everyone about Vegan Club.
- You know you’re not well-liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
- I told my psychiatrist that I’d been hearing voices. He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.
- “Just say no to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
- What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
- I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
- A limbo champion walks into a bar. He’s disqualified.
- “Indecisive” is my favorite word. Actually, no, it isn’t.
- I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance. I told her, “Thank you, I did gymnastics as a kid.”
- Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it 23 times.
- What’s worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm? Biting into an apple and discovering half a worm.
- When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
- Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
- I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
- What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Not a word.
- Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
- The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
- What rhymes with “boo” and stinks? You.
- Why are cigarettes good for the environment? They kill people.
- Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
- Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in.
- Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!
- I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
- “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
- I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
- I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I’m not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
- What do you call someone who won’t stop raving about how the world is going to end? A climate scientist.
- Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
- My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.